When a manipulator can no longer control you, they will instead try to control how others see you.
How do they do this?
One major tactic the manipulator will use is what we call the “vague concern tactic.”
This is where the manipulator finds or creates an opportunity to tell someone, generally a mutual acquaintance or friend, that they have some vague concern about you.
The manipulator will keep things vague or unverifiable. They’ll frame it as a concern. It’s a way of posturing love for the individual that they are actually attempting to slander.
This, in time, can create a “cloud of concern” around an individual.
People distance themselves.
This is one way a manipulator diminishes the influence of someone who has fallen out of favor with them and maintains a hold on others.
It’s wicked. It’s cowardly and caddy. It’s gossip.
Beware of talebearers, especially when they are vague tales.
NEVER listen to someone who wants to tell you about someone else UNLESS that someone else is present to answer for themselves AND you know that person has been confronted in PRIVATE first. It is contrary to Biblical counsel and will always be the sin of gossip…even if you only listen, you are participating in that person’s sin. Don’t let your empathy become THE path to gossip. This is the kind of stuff that ruins our churches, ruins culture, ruins relationships, and ruins people. #checkyourselffirst
Matthew 18:15-17 NASB
“Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault IN PRIVATE; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that ON THE TESTIMONY OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY MATTER MAY BE CONFIRMED.  And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, he is to be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.