Minimizing me…making much of Jesus

Every year about this time, I get the question, “What is Lent and Do We Observe It?“

Lent is a historically Christian season observed by many churches in the weeks leading up to Resurrection Sunday (Easter). Traditionally, it has been marked by repentance, fasting, prayer, and reflection as believers prepare their hearts to remember the death and resurrection of Jesus. While it has been most commonly practiced within Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican traditions, its central themes—self-examination, laying aside distractions, and renewed focus on Christ—are deeply biblical. Lent is considered a “40 Day Fast” but typically begins 46 days before Resurrection Sunday (what observers call Ash Wednesday) and goes through the Saturday before Resurrection Sunday (what observers call Holy Saturday). Historically, Sundays are not counted as part of the 40-day fast; instead, they are considered “mini-resurrection” celebrations of the Lord’s Day and are not treated as fast days.

At Crossroads, we do not believe church calendars carry authority or spiritual power. Observances such as Lent do not earn God’s favor (dispense grace), give extra credit, or make us more holy. Scripture alone governs our faith and practice. However, we do believe it is wise at times to adopt intentional rhythms of reflection and renewal. So while we do not observe Lent as an obligation or sacramental season, some of us may choose to use these weeks before Resurrection Sunday as voluntary training—laying down distractions, quieting our hearts, and walking deliberately toward the cross so that Resurrection is not casual, but deeply felt. I personally have a growing appreciation for the structured Biblical rhythms that gave birth to seasons like Lent and Advent – before they were “Roman Catholic” practices.

As I “Prepare for Resurrection”, here is a glimpse into what I’m laying down and what I’m receiving on this journey to the cross.

RESURRECTION PREPARATION – A RULE OF LIFE

PURPOSE: To be conformed to the image of Jesus by lowering interior vigilance, interrupting dopamine-collapse pathways, and cultivating embodied presence and relational availability before God and others.

This isn’t about intensity or performance. It’s about availability — to God and the people around us.

WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN?

Algorithmic Stimulation

• No social media feeds (apps deleted and/or removed). (I am cleaning house. I have DELETED (not deactivated) Instagram, X, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Pinterest.  I have also deactivated FB and will decide whether to permanently delete it after Passover. I’m asking God to show me healthier ways to invest in my personal well-being and to impact others with my time.)
• Writing continues on my blog; Alex (my assistant) will post it to my FB feed.
• Purpose: Close dopamine trapdoors before collapse.

Late-Night Unstructured Screens

• No mindless media intake when tired.
• Purpose: Evening screens often become unguarded space where I default to distraction instead of reflection or rest. By choosing decompression over numbing, I give my soul and relationships better landing space at the end of the day.

There have been nights when late screens were my default reflex rather than intentional rest — and I noticed I was more tired in my soul than in my body.

NO Headphones / Earbuds

• No casual use of headphones/earbuds in public or family spaces.
• No background audio while walking, waiting, or moving.
• Listen to media out loud and be forced to pause it when someone enters the room for conversation.
  Exception: Private moments of devotion in Dwell/Lectio 365 while others are sleeping
• Purpose: Be organically, relationally available when around people.

Immediate Relief as Regulation

• I will not reflexively reach for stimulation, information, or comfort to manage pressure.
  Coffee delayed, then received intentionally—not used to brace.
• When I feel the urge to “just get a little relief,” I will pause first.
• Purpose: Train trust before escape.

WHAT I AM RECEIVING?

Daily Stillness/Silence

• 30 minutes once daily.
• No phone, no Bible, no technique.
• Begin: “Lord, here I am” and then wait in silence.
• Purpose: Learn to be present without usefulness; rest in sonship.

Gentle Speech Restraint

• I will not speak from pressure, negativity, defeat, or self-accusation.
• I will speak only what is necessary, true, and loving.
• Purpose: Stop leaking internal dialogue before bringing it to the Lord.

Intentional Relational Presence

• I will leave space for unplanned, organic conversations.
• I will look up instead of down.
• I will allow interruption as invitation.
• When someone speaks, I will not multitask (no phone in hand).
• Purpose: Move from half-hearted interaction to embodied attentiveness.

My Invitation to You

As we approach Resurrection Sunday, may our hearts not rush toward Easter Sunday without first walking toward the cross. The disciplines I’m practicing aren’t tests of willpower — they’re invitations to be present to Christ in ways I’ve often missed. The cross calls every disciple to less of us and more of Him. These practices aren’t performance — they are invitations to lower internal noise so His voice can be heard. May this season deepen your love for Jesus, and may Resurrection Sunday find you not simply observant, but transformed.

If something here resonates with you, I’d love to hear how you’re preparing your heart this season.

Where might God be inviting you to lay something down this season?”

What gets your thoughtful response—and what gets ignored?

Social media posts?

DMs?

Phone calls?

Emails?

Individually sent texts?

Group texts?

Organization apps?

Most of us don’t actually have a clear answer.

We have habits.

We have preferences.

We have limits and expectations.

But we don’t have a system.

And we almost never name it out loud.

So here’s the more honest question:

How does a person—or a group—elicit an authentic response from you?

And why do some messages get answered while others sit unread, unanswered, or quietly dismissed?

I’m convinced of this: I own my phone. It doesn’t own me.

Just because it rings doesn’t mean I’m obligated to answer.

Just because a notification appears doesn’t mean I owe an immediate response.

Boundaries matter.

Attention is finite.

Constant interruption isn’t healthy.

But there’s a harder question we don’t ask often enough.

If I choose to join a group…

Align with an organization…

Create a social media presence…

Or give my number to others…

What responsibility do I carry on the other side of that access?

At what point does “healthy boundary” quietly become a one-way benefit?

Owning your phone protects your capacity.

Owning your commitments defines your responsibility.

You’re not obligated to be reachable everywhere.

But you are responsible to the commitments you willingly make.

The Real Issue: We’re All Deciding—Just Not Naming How

Most people don’t ignore messages because they don’t care.

They ignore messages because they’re overwhelmed.

Digital communication has multiplied access without expanding human capacity.

Attention hasn’t grown.

Energy hasn’t grown.

Emotional bandwidth hasn’t grown.

So we triage.

And triage isn’t the problem.

Silent triage inside shared life is.

That’s where frustration grows.

That’s where resentment builds.

That’s where trust quietly erodes.

Most breakdowns come from one—or more—of these pressures.

Capacity Pressure

There are too many channels and too many decisions.

Every message carries invisible questions:

• Do I respond now or later?
• Is this actually my responsibility?
• Will responding create more follow-ups?

Add mismatched schedules, family rhythms, exhaustion—and silence becomes a coping mechanism, not a statement.

Clarity Pressure

People disengage when expectations aren’t clear.

If a message doesn’t explain:

• why it’s being sent,
• whether a response is needed,
• or what kind of response is expected,

it creates low-grade anxiety.

And anxiety, over time, leads to avoidance.

Unclear communication doesn’t just cost efficiency.

It costs relational trust.

Meaning Pressure

People want to know their response matters.

Some ignore group messages because they want to feel personally addressed.

Others dismiss individual messages if they perceive them as mass-communicated.

That desire is human.

But when personal significance becomes a prerequisite for participation, it quietly drifts into entitlement.

Belonging doesn’t always feel personalized.

But it’s still real.

Relational Risk

People respond more when they trust the environment.

If they’re unsure how honesty will be received…

If disagreement feels dangerous…

If silence will be publicly shamed…

They choose silence over risk.

Especially in group settings.

Silence can feel safer than missteps.

Whether we admit it or not, most of us filter messages through questions like:

• Is it clear what’s being asked?
• Does this require action or just awareness?
• How urgent does this feel?
• Do I believe my response matters?
• Do I have the energy to respond well right now?

None of that makes someone selfish.

But pretending these filters don’t exist makes shared life harder than it needs to be.

Moving Toward a Healthier Digital Culture

Staying connected to what matters doesn’t start with better apps.

It starts with better agreements.

Choose Primary Channels

If you choose to belong to a group, team, or community, there needs to be at least one channel you commit to checking.

Not every platform.

Not every notification.

But one reliable place where shared life happens.

Silently opting out doesn’t just protect your attention.

It shifts the cost onto everyone else.

Presence Beats Personalization

Being singled out can feel meaningful.

But communities don’t function on constant customization.

Sometimes a group message isn’t impersonal—it’s appropriate.

The real question isn’t,

“Was this sent just to me?”

It’s,

“Is this something I agreed to care about?”

Treat Clarity as Care

If you want responses, reduce friction.

Say:

• why you’re reaching out,
• what kind of response is needed,
• and how time-sensitive it is—or isn’t.

That isn’t transactional.

It’s respectful.

Clarity is a form of love.

Interpret Silence Generously

Being “left on read” doesn’t always mean, “I don’t care.”

Often it means:

• “I can’t give this the attention it deserves right now.”
• “I need margin before I respond honestly.”
• “I’m choosing presence somewhere else.”

Generous interpretation protects relationships from unnecessary strain.

Faithful Somewhere

You’re allowed to own your phone.

You’re allowed to protect your attention.

You’re allowed to set boundaries.

But when you choose to belong—to a team, a church, a community—you’re also choosing responsibility.

Not constant access.

Not immediate response.

But shared expectations and mutual care.

Maybe the goal isn’t to be reachable everywhere.

Maybe it’s to be faithful somewhere.

Digital communication works best when we stop treating it as a test of importance—and start treating it as a tool for shared life.

There’s a quiet assumption shaping modern parenting—and it’s wrecking families.

The assumption is this:

Parents exist to orbit their kids.

Schedules bend. Priorities shift. Lives rearrange.

Everything becomes about practices, recitals, teams, lessons, and experiences.

It sounds loving.

It feels sacrificial.

But it’s forming something deeply unhealthy.

Kids’ lives were never meant to revolve around their parents’ lives.

Parents’ lives were meant to set the gravity.

When the family revolves around the child, the child learns a lie early:

I am the center.

And that lie doesn’t stay small.

The Problem With Kid-Centered Homes

When parents build their entire life around entertaining their kids—keeping them busy, stimulated, fulfilled, and constantly engaged—it may look like good parenting.

It’s not.

It’s bad discipleship.

You’re not just managing a schedule.

You’re shaping a soul.

A child who grows up being centered learns to expect the world to adjust to them. They learn that inconvenience equals injustice. They learn that authority exists to serve their preferences.

And eventually, they become adults who are frustrated, entitled, and deeply unprepared for real life.

We’ve all met those adults.

They struggle with authority.

They struggle with commitment.

They struggle with sacrifice.

Not because they’re evil—but because they were never discipled out of the center.

God’s Design Is Immersion, Not Entertainment

Biblically, children were never the focus of the family system.

They were immersed into it.

Scripture doesn’t say, “Arrange your entire life around your children.”

It says, “These commandments… impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road.”

That’s life together.

Children were meant to watch their parents live—

to see faith practiced, work honored, relationships stewarded, responsibility carried, joy pursued, and rest enjoyed.

They weren’t meant to command the rhythm.

They were meant to learn it.

When a child’s life is immersed in the life of their parents—relationships, responsibilities, worship, work, service, recreation—they see how God designed the family to function.

They don’t learn to demand.

They learn to imitate.

And imitation is how disciples are formed.

Happiness Is a Terrible North Star

Here’s the hard truth:

Your child’s happiness is not your highest calling.

And it should never be your greatest joy.

That may sound harsh—but it’s actually freeing.

If happiness is the goal, parents become anxious managers.

If discipleship is the goal, parents become faithful leaders.

Jesus never promised happiness.

He promised life.

And life comes through formation, not entertainment.

Parents are called to raise children who know how to follow Christ, submit to authority, live sacrificially, and build healthy families of their own.

That doesn’t come from being the center.

It comes from learning to orbit something bigger.

A Better Way Forward

Healthy families don’t eliminate fun.

They just stop worshiping it.

They build a life worth inviting children into.

They lead with conviction, not guilt.

They model faith instead of outsourcing it.

So ask yourself:

• What does our family revolve around?
• Who sets the rhythm?
• What are my children learning about authority, sacrifice, and joy?

Because one day, they will build families of their own.

And they won’t replicate what you said mattered.

They’ll replicate what your life revolved around.

We’ve created a culture where people use social media to grind on others they’re unwilling to confront face to face. Subtle jabs. Vague posts. Side-eye spirituality. All while avoiding the courage of an actual conversation.

But there’s another issue underneath all of this—one that hits closer to home.

Entitlement.

Not loud entitlement.

Quiet entitlement.

Relational entitlement.

The kind that says, “If you really cared, you’d communicate with me the way I prefer.”

Only use the app I use.

Don’t group text me—text me individually or I won’t respond.

I don’t do digital.

I only take phone calls.

I only read printed bulletins.

And the list goes on.

Then—when communication happens without bending to those preferences—we get offended.

Hurt.

Left out.

Upset that we “weren’t in the loop.”

Here’s the hard question we don’t like asking:

Why should the masses bend to our individual preferences—or risk hurting our feelings?

That’s not how community works.

That’s not how leadership works.

And it’s certainly not how the Church works.

Scripture is painfully clear on this.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

Notice what Paul doesn’t say.

He doesn’t say, “Make sure everyone adapts to you.”

He says, you adapt for the sake of others.

Healthy communication requires flexibility.

Maturity.

Grace.

If the message was available—even if it wasn’t delivered in your preferred format—the issue isn’t communication.

It’s expectation.

And unmet expectations almost always turn into offense.

Jesus modeled this perfectly.

He met people where they were.

Different settings. Different methods. Different moments.

He didn’t demand perfect conditions—He demanded receptive hearts.

If we want to stay connected, we have to loosen our grip on control.

If we want to stay in the loop, we have to stay reachable.

If we want strong relationships, we have to stop making everything about our comfort.

Here’s the simple takeaway:

Accessibility is a form of humility.

So ask yourself today:

Am I hard to reach—or just hard to please?

Am I flexible—or am I forcing others to orbit around me?

Am I protecting preference—or pursuing unity?

Because community doesn’t grow where entitlement is protected.

It grows where humility leads.

And that’s the kind of church—and the kind of people—we’re called to be.

Some of you are ending today convinced you’ve figured out your whole life.

Because today hurt.

The conversation didn’t go how you hoped.

The door didn’t open.

The prayer didn’t get answered the way you wanted.

And without realizing it, you let a moment write a meaning it was never authorized to give.

A terrible day does not equal a terrible life.

A hard season does not erase a faithful God.

An awful chapter does not mean the Author has lost the plot.

Scripture is clear: “We see in a mirror dimly” (1 Corinthians 13:12).

Your perspective is limited. God’s is not.

Perspective Is the Battleground

The enemy doesn’t need to destroy your life if he can distort your perspective.

If he can convince you that this is the whole story, you’ll quit early.

If he can convince you that pain equals absence, you’ll stop trusting.

If he can convince you that struggle means failure, you’ll walk away from growth.

But the Bible refuses that logic.

Joseph is betrayed before he is promoted.

David is hunted before he is crowned.

Israel is trapped before the sea splits.

And Jesus?

The day Jesus died looked like loss.

It looked like defeat.

It looked like the end of every promise.

The disciples didn’t call it “Good Friday.”

They called it over.

But heaven was doing something they couldn’t yet see.

What Looks Like Death May Be Deliverance

“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.” (John 12:24)

The cross looked like death.

It was death.

But it was also obedience.

It was also love.

It was also redemption unfolding in real time.

The worst day in human history became the best news the world has ever known.

So before you label this season as pointless, ask a better question:

What if God is producing something you couldn’t receive any other way?

Your Mess Is Not Wasted

God does not redeem around your mess.

He redeems through it.

Your weakness doesn’t disqualify you.

Your confusion doesn’t surprise Him.

Your pain doesn’t negate His purpose.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.” (Romans 8:28)

Not some things.

Not easy things.

All things.

That includes the chapter you wish you could skip.

A Question Worth Sitting With

Before you close this and move on, sit with this honestly:

What conclusion have you drawn about your life based on a moment God is still working on?

Don’t let a bad day write a false story.

The Author is not finished.

The chapter is not the book.

And the cross proved once and for all—

What looks like death may be the very place life begins.

There is a quiet killer in relationships.

It doesn’t announce itself.

It doesn’t look dramatic at first.

But it spreads. And it destroys.

When someone bows out of a relationship because of an unresolved, personal offense—friendship, marriage, church, family, workplace, team—it acts like a cancer.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

That cancer always infects three places.

The person carrying it.

The relationship left unresolved.

And the next relationship they enter.

There are no exceptions.

The Host Always Suffers First

Whether the person is the cause of the offense or the victim of it, unresolved hurt does not stay contained.

It festers.

It grows.

It rewires how they interpret people, motives, and moments.

Bitterness becomes discernment.

Avoidance becomes “wisdom.”

Self-protection becomes justification.

Scripture doesn’t mince words here.

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).

Bitterness never stays personal.

It always becomes relational.

Walking Away Is Not Neutral—It’s Unloving

If the other party is the cause of the offense, quietly leaving without biblical confrontation is not maturity.

It’s cowardice.

Jesus didn’t give conflict-resolution as a suggestion.

He gave it as obedience.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15).

Not ghost him.

Not talk to everyone else.

Not leave the community and spiritualize it as “peace.”

Love confronts.

Love speaks.

Love risks discomfort for the sake of healing.

Silence doesn’t protect unity—it poisons it.

The Pattern Always Repeats

Here’s the hardest part to accept.

Until the person carrying the cancer deals with it biblically, boldly, and lovingly, the same outcome will repeat.

New relationship.

Same offense.

Same story.

Same conclusion.

And every time, it will be the other person’s fault.

Paul warned the church about this posture:

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you” (Ephesians 4:31).

Why?

Because unresolved sin always finds a new host.

God Wasn’t Offering Suggestions

When Yahweh speaks about conflict, hurt, abuse, repentance, and forgiveness, He is not crowdsourcing ideas.

He is declaring truth.

Truth for His glory.

Truth for the good of His people.

Truth that heals instead of hides.

Forgiveness is not denial.

Repentance is not weakness.

Confrontation is not unloving.

They are mercy in action.

If you’re carrying an offense today, stop pretending time will heal what obedience won’t.

Go back.

Speak the truth.

Seek repentance where needed.

Extend forgiveness where commanded.

Invite wise, biblical counsel if the situation requires it.

Kill the cancer—before it kills the next relationship.

“Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He is on a mission to change your heart.”

There are seasons when we’re praying hard, believing hard, begging God to move something out there… and nothing budges.

The pressure stays.

The problem lingers.

The circumstance refuses to shift.

And if you’re like most people, that’s when frustration starts to rise.

“Lord, why won’t You fix this?”

“Why is this still here?”

“Why am I still here?”

But that quote hits a deeper truth:

Sometimes God isn’t changing the situation because the situation isn’t the target. You are.

God loves you too much to only work on your surroundings.

He wants to work on your heart, because your heart is the steering wheel of your life.

It’s the same thing God did with Israel. He delivered them from Egypt in a single night, but it took forty years to get Egypt out of them. He didn’t delay the Promised Land out of punishment—He delayed it out of preparation.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Everything you do flows from what’s happening inside you.

So if God doesn’t shift the external, it’s because He’s forming the internal.

Let’s be real:

• You’re praying for God to remove a difficult person… He’s forming patience.
• You’re begging Him to solve a financial challenge… He’s building stewardship and trust.
• You’re asking Him to calm the storm… He’s teaching you how to stand in faith while the wind still blows.
• You want relief… He wants transformation.

Paul says it like this:

“Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” — Romans 5:3–4

Notice the order.

Hope doesn’t come first.

Character doesn’t come first.

Endurance doesn’t come first.

Pressure comes first.

God uses pressure to form people.

If God hasn’t changed your situation yet, don’t assume He’s absent.

Assume He’s aiming deeper.

Instead of asking only, “Lord, when will this end?” ask,

“Lord, what are You shaping in me through this?”

Because the truth is this:

Your breakthrough may not start when something around you changes.

Your breakthrough may start when something in you changes.

God is on a mission.

Not to make life easier—

But to make your heart stronger, softer, purer, more like Jesus.

And that’s the kind of change that lasts.

Reflection Question:

What situation in your life has God left in place because He’s trying to form something in your heart?

Let Him do the deep work.

Let Him finish the mission.

Some people live to serve others passionately. You can see it in the way they move, the way they love, the way they show up. They serve out of the overflow of the love of Christ in their hearts. And because the love is real, their service is real. Their lives preach a quiet sermon—#LovingOneAnotherWell.

But others… others serve reluctantly and minimally.
You can tell.
It’s half-hearted. Heavy. Mechanical.
And often, it’s rooted not in love but in guilt, obligation, or the quiet craving for attention.

And church, the difference between the two is night and day.

Jesus spoke directly to this in Matthew 6.
“When you give… when you serve… when you pray… do it in secret, and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you.”

He didn’t just tell us what to do.
He told us how to do it—from a heart that wants God, not applause.

There is a kind of servant that is a joy to stand beside.
They walk into a room and something in the atmosphere lifts.
They don’t drain you; they fill you.
They don’t make serving heavier; they make it lighter.
Their presence pulls people in—“Come serve with me!”—because they carry joy that’s contagious.

And then there’s the other kind.
The one who counts minutes.
And acknowledgements.
And fairness.
And who’s watching.
And whether someone said thank you.
Their service costs everyone around them.
They leave people empty… and sometimes wounded.

And Jesus says plainly:
One is leveraged for the Kingdom eternally.
The other… already has their reward.

God sees it all.
Not just the work of your hands, but the posture of your heart.

So let me ask you the question Jesus pushes us toward.

Which one are you?

Are you serving from overflow—or obligation?
From love—or from guilt?
For Kingdom impact—or for earthly acknowledgement?

The beauty of the gospel is this:
You don’t have to manufacture joy.
You don’t have to pretend.
You don’t have to push yourself into a version of serving that feels fake.

You can ask the Holy Spirit to fill you again.
To restore love.
To purify motives.
To make your service worship.

Because when service comes from worship, even the smallest task becomes holy.