The holidays can be a challenging time when it comes to family dynamics. Many people feel pressure to grant unlimited access to their time, their energy, and even their homes—all in the name of family. The expectation to be constantly available, to attend every gathering, and to cater to every family member’s wishes, which can often become overwhelming. However, the truth is, people should never have influence on or access to you, your marriage, or your children simply because they are family. Access to me and my children is based on character, not just on blood relations. Just because someone shares our DNA does not mean they automatically earn the right to our innermost spaces, especially if their behavior undermines our peace, values, or well-being.
We tolerate things from family that we would never tolerate from anyone else—and that should not be. Blood is not a fast pass for bad behavior. Too often, we justify the hurtful actions of family members simply because they are related to us, but that mindset can lead to ongoing emotional damage and perpetuate unhealthy patterns. Respect, consideration, and healthy boundaries are just as important in family relationships as they are in any other aspect of life. In fact, setting boundaries with family can be even more critical because of the deep emotional ties involved. By setting these boundaries, we communicate our worth and the importance of maintaining a respectful and loving environment.
Boundaries not only honor Yahweh and protect you, but they also serve as a tool He uses as a first step toward salvation for the other person. When we establish clear limits, we give others an opportunity to reflect on their actions and behaviors. By setting boundaries, we allow God to work in ways that can bring about transformation. Sometimes, people need to feel the natural consequences of their actions in order to change, and boundaries can be the means by which those lessons are learned. It is not about punishment, but rather about fostering growth and encouraging healthier interactions. When we can’t trace His hand, we have to trust His will. Even when it feels difficult or counterintuitive, trusting that God is using these boundaries for a greater purpose can provide the strength needed to maintain them.
Boundaries are often painful, and that’s a good thing. Pain can be a sign of growth and necessary change. Yahweh is not as concerned with our outer comfort as He is with our inner salvation. He often uses discomfort to rescue a person’s soul. The temporary pain of setting a boundary can lead to long-term healing and healthier relationships. It’s important to remember that discomfort does not mean something is wrong; it often means something is being refined. Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries can be uncomfortable, especially when those boundaries are with family members, but that discomfort is part of the process God uses to draw us closer to Him. By leaning into that discomfort, we allow God to refine our character and deepen our reliance on Him.
Setting boundaries may lead to pushback or even estrangement, but that does not mean you are doing something wrong. Family members who are used to having unchecked access to your life may not understand or accept your boundaries initially. They may react with anger, guilt-tripping, or attempts to manipulate you into reverting to old patterns. It is during these times that it is crucial to stay grounded in your values and remember why the boundaries were necessary in the first place. It is not your responsibility to make everyone happy; your responsibility is to honor God, protect your well-being, and create a healthy environment for yourself and your loved ones. Remember, even Jesus had boundaries—He took time away from the crowds to pray, He chose His close circle of disciples carefully, and He did not always meet others’ expectations of Him.
This holiday season, let’s be intentional about the relationships we nurture and the boundaries we set. Let’s prioritize the well-being of our families—not based on guilt or social expectations, but based on character, love, and the guidance of Yahweh. In doing so, we not only protect our hearts but also create opportunities for genuine growth and transformation, both for ourselves and for those around us. When we set boundaries, we are choosing to foster relationships that are built on mutual respect, love, and understanding rather than obligation and resentment.
Let’s also be mindful that setting boundaries is not about building walls to keep people out, but rather about creating healthy guidelines that allow relationships to thrive. Boundaries create the space for relationships to flourish in a way that honors both parties. When we clearly communicate our needs and expectations, we give others the opportunity to meet those needs and to respect those expectations. This can lead to deeper, more authentic connections. It may take time, and it may require repeated conversations, but the result is worth the effort. Healthy boundaries are an expression of love—not only for ourselves but also for those we are in relationship with.
As we navigate family gatherings, let us also remember the importance of self-care. Setting boundaries is one aspect of caring for ourselves, but it also involves recognizing our limits, giving ourselves permission to rest, and seeking support when needed. The holiday season often brings a whirlwind of activities, and it is easy to become depleted if we are not careful. By prioritizing self-care, we ensure that we have the emotional and physical energy to engage meaningfully with others. This means sometimes saying “no” to an event or request, even if it disappoints someone else. It means recognizing that your worth is not tied to how much you can give or how much you can do for others, but rather in who you are as a beloved child of God.
In conclusion, setting boundaries during the holidays is an act of love, courage, and faith. It is about creating an environment where you, your marriage, and your children can flourish. It is about honoring Yahweh by valuing the gifts He has given you—your time, your energy, and your relationships. It is about trusting that even when it is hard, God is using these moments to bring about something greater, both in your life and in the lives of those around you. This holiday season, let us walk in faith, setting boundaries that reflect our values and trusting that God will use them for His glory and our good.
Minimizing me...making much of Jesus 